So what kind of dad were you raised by? Was he present and involved in your life? Or did he just bounce when you were young? Was he a good example of what a man should be or did he suck at being a man? Everyone has a different story, some of us had good fathers and some of us had horrible ones. If your dad experience was bad, The hard truth is you can’t change what happened in the past. But you can definitely make changes now so that you don’t make the same mistakes your dad did. In order to do that though, you gotta be willing to face the mirror and be honest about where you’re at. Let’s discuss the 7 types of dads and see where you land.

So it’s no secret to some of you that I haven’t been a dad for a very long time, but I have been around many types of dads throughout my life. Since my dad wasn’t really killin’ the game, I always looked to mentorship from other men. Kinda borrowing dad traits from others. Observing what works and what doesn’t and after all of that I created a way to categorize the types of dads I encountered. 

Now before I get into this list, understand that this is not set in stone. Which means things can change and these categories aren’t meant to offend you. Although if you do get offended, ask yourself, “why does this offend me?” before you word vomit in the comments.

This is simply designed to give you as a dad an honest look at where you might be. I myself have fallen into some of these categories and I’ll let you know which ones. Having these categories allowed me to give myself an objective honest look and gave me some direction about where I wanted to be not only as a dad, but as a man. I’m hoping it can do the same for you.

First up we have,

#1 The Vice Dad

This is the type of dad that is consumed by his vices or bad habits. Smoking, drinking, drugs, strip clubs (wait yo how does that even work anymore, do strippers wear masks? And do u have to pay them more to take off the masks?), cheating, video games, porn, you get the picture.

With this comes the belief that his vices have no negative effect on him or his family, especially his kids. Yet at every turn he chooses his vices over his family.

I’ve met certain men that have this addiction to cheating on their wives. They got a beautiful wife, kids, great house, but for whatever reason anytime they see a hot girl, they forget that exists. They become addicted to the chase and even to not being caught. It’s like a game they play and almost every time they end up losing.

I consulted a dad a few years back that was addicted to smoking. Had a sit down with him, his wife and his daughter. The daughter was cutting herself and acting suicidal and I asked her what would make you change this behavior? She looked over at her dad across the table and said, “I would love for my dad to stop smoking.” I asked him, “you hear that, this whole cutting thing ain’t even about her, it’s about you. So will you quit smoking for your daughter?” He, in tears, straight up said, “no, it’s just what I do and I’m not gonna change that.” Thankfully over the years the daughter grew out of her cutting suicidal thoughts which took some time, but still to this day the dad is still holding onto his vice.

Now I’m not saying it’s easy to quit, I know it’s not. But when you’re confronted by those you love most and they’re asking you to quit for their sake. There’s gotta be something inside of you that makes you say you know what maybe I should change? Right? Well some dads don’t have that in them. The Vice has him in a headlock and he doesn’t wanna get out of it.

I was this way with video games for a while. I would stay up til about 2am on some nights even 4am playing video games. My wife would go to sleep around 10pm, would kiss her goodnight. No intimacy, giving her very little of my time. I would wake up late the next day rushing it to work. Then rinse and repeat every day, that was my pattern. It took a toll on our relationship and that snapped me out of it. Trust me when I say that Vices are not worth the focus because in the end they don’t add any value to your life.

# 2 The Material Dad

This is the dad that buys his kids whatever they want and thinks that is enough to satisfy the needs of his family. He usually works like a dog to provide for them and equates his family’s happiness to how much they have. He tends to spoil his kids using the excuse that he didn’t have anything when he was growing up, so he wants to give them everything. And then wonders why his kids become ungrateful brats as they get older.

You’ve seen this type before and if you haven’t, then it might be you. It’s hard not to become this type of dad because it fosters an easy fix for any problems that come up within your family. If your kid gets mad at you about something, you buy him a PS5 and all of a sudden you don’t have to worry about him being mad anymore. At least for a while. You don’t have to address the issue at hand. Your son feels good and is happy opening up and playing with his PS5 and you pat yourself on the back because you brought him that happiness. In the long run this doesn’t work out too well.

Some men do this with their wives too in order to not address an issue. Get the wife a new purse, clothes, jewelry, maybe a car or a new house if you got the bank for it. That emotional distraction makes it seem like everything is fine in the moment, but it’s really just putting more issues under the rug. 

My dad was kinda like this. He cheated on my mom for many years throughout their marriage. Gambling, strip clubs, you name

It, he definitely had his share of vices. And anytime issues would come up, he would buy us things or take us places. I mean that’s kinda how he got my mom to move to another state. He had left us in LA with the promise of going and buying a house in another state and starting over. And my mom, my brother and I were kinda done with him. I had to start working right out of high school to help my mom with the bills. A few months after he bounced my mom gets a call with him saying he bought a house and wants her to go check it out. She goes, all super skeptical at first and comes back wanting to move out there. That new house made my mom forget about all the other stuff my dad had done. It’s Crazy how material things have such a grasp on people.

# 3 The Ghost Dad

This is the type of dad that’s physically there, but never there mentally. He gets home from work, kicks off his shoes and watches tv, plays video games, jumps on his phone. He’s in the house but makes no effort to interact with his kids or his wife. Quality family time is chalked up to just sitting on the couch watching a movie or a show. There are no meaningful conversations happening or lessons being taught to his kids. On top of that he is complacent and content with how things are and has no real drive to better himself, his situation or his family. As a consequence, his kids and wife detach from him and no real solid family bond is ever formed.

It’s a sad thing, but I’ve seen this happen for sure. Dads that are like ghosts in their own house. They are only acknowledged when something is needed and that’s the only time they make an effort, but the rest of the time it’s like they wanna be left alone. The mentality of this dad goes something like this, “I’ve worked hard all day to provide for this family, now it’s time for me to relax and have my time.” Little does he know that family work doesn’t end when you get home from work.

The second you as a dad become ok with just being a ghost around your family, you start to lose them. I’ve met seniors who have multiple kids, but they’re alone in their old age. No one visits them and when I ask what happened, they tell me, “I just wasn’t there for them, not like they needed me to be.” Your life has purpose brother and it’s on you to figure that out. But I can guarantee you that your purpose is not to be a ghost.

# 4 The SCW Dad

The shoulda, coulda, woulda dad. This man lives in regret and is constantly dwelling on the past. He may have messed up in his marriage or with his kids at one point or maybe had another family that he wasn’t good to and now just beats himself up for it. He thinks there’s no redemption for him. His past is too tainted to deserve a good family and happiness. This man is self loathing and depressed with no ambition and walks around mentally defeated not wanting to try anything new. He fears that he’ll make a mistake so he never takes a risk or puts himself out there.

Do you like being around someone that always brings up bad things from the past? Women have the tendency of doing this where they will lock away some mistake you made in the past and they’ll bring it up to you during a fight to deliver a low blow. Men do this too, but they do it a little differently. They develop a voice inside their heads that resembles this woman that constantly brings up all your past issues. This can drive a man insane and force him to never make any significant moves in his life to better his situation or that of his family’s. 

If you focus only on the past, you will be consumed by regret. The present will slip past you and the future will never be as good as it could be. These are the types of dads that sometimes commit suicide. On the outside, it may look like they have their life in order, but on the inside they are dying and can’t take it anymore, so they end it. Trust me when I say that mental health is just as important as physical, and spiritual. If you can’t win the war going on inside of your mind, it’ll be difficult to win the battles you have to fight outside of your mind. 

# 5 The Drill Sgt. Dad

This is the hard ass control freak that thinks he knows everything. He’s short tempered and emotional even though he thinks he’s not. Of course in his mind, he is the most rational man that’s ever lived. His kids and wife walk on egg shells around him because they don’t wanna piss him off. As a result, they keep things from him and lie to him constantly. His rule is law and he will not bend it even if the rule is unjust. He does not think he needs to change and never admits when he’s wrong. Lastly, he will never apologize for anything.

Oh man this dad is special right? Just the best guy ever. Wrong! This guy sucks on so many levels. I had some friends that had dads like this when I was a kid. A lot of us would go out for a bike ride around the neighborhood. We’d ride over to each friends house and literally all of them would be allowed to go out, except Bobby of course. You see Bobby’s dad was a Drill Sgt. Dad and if Bobby hadn’t completed the extensive list of chores and the book report on Of Mice And Men by the time his dad got home, well Bobby wasn’t gonna have an enjoyable evening. There might be a belt being swung, some crying, a little soreness, so when we got to Bobby’s house and asked him to roll with us, he would say, “I can’t cuz of my dad.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for chores, rules and discipline, but there’s a balance that needs to occur. The expectations you set for your kids should be realistic and based upon the context of where they’re at in life. It’s important to remember that you were a kid once too. I expect my son to do great things in his life, but I have to foster behaviors in him as he grows up that will allow him to achieve those great things. That doesn’t happen by me forcing him to do ridiculous amount of things to where he doesn’t get to enjoy his childhood. It’s in your family’s best interest for you not to become this guy. And if you are this guy and you recognize that in yourself, keep in mind that humility goes a long way. 

# 6 The Beta Dad

This is the man who the entire family walks all over. He has no respect from his kids or his wife. His wife emasculates him at every turn and he lets her get away with it. He does not wear the pants in the relationship and he is ok with not being the leader of his household. He’s indecisive and would rather others make decisions for him, even hard ones. He is ok with being his wife’s other child, instead of her man. On top of that, he is overly emotional and sensitive, easily offended and walks on egg shells to not offend others.

Damn this one sucks! But we gotta talk about it because it’s a very real type of dad. This is the type of man that no woman wants and that nobody wants to follow. Why is that? The answer is simple, it’s because he has nothing to offer. He doesn’t bring anything of value to the table. But G, it’s 2021, things are different now, women can be the boss too. Who said anything about being the boss? 

If you were to ask my wife, who wears the pants in our relationship, she would say that I do. And if you were to ask her why, she would say it’s because I’ve earned that right. See everyone gets caught up with titles, like the man of the house is the boss or the woman of the house is the boss. I’m not interested in being the boss, I’m committed to being the leader. I didn’t get married because I wanted to boss my wife around and she didn’t marry me because she wanted a dad or a grown child to boss around. She wanted a man who’s true to his purpose and I wanted a woman who’s true to her purpose. 

You see it’s funny we get caught up with titles and status when it comes to family, but not anything else. For example, in Football you have the coach, assistant coach, team captain, not to mention all the different positions that make up the team. In a business, you have the founder, the CEO, Managers, Leads, and so forth. My point is that there’s a structure to making these types of organizations work due to the roles that are filled and how efficient people are at fulfilling those roles. Families are no different. I believe that if you’re a man with a family, it is your undeniable responsibility to lead them to the best of your ability. And when a dad leads his family efficiently, that becomes a strong family. Strong families make for strong communities. Strong communities make for strong societies and it becomes this awesome domino effect, but it all starts with you. 

Beta dads cannot lead anyone and they play a huge role in weakening the family and ultimately weakening the world around us as a whole. But don’t worry I’m not gonna end on a sour note because there’s one more type of dad.

That’s right, you guessed it.

# 7 The Alpha Dad

This is the man who has been one of the previous types of dads, is self aware of that fact and is tired of it. He realizes that if he doesn’t change for the better, he will lose his family. He knows that his family needs him to be the leader and he wants to fulfill that role effectively. He’s willing to take risks in that pursuit because he knows what’s at stake. He’s also tired of working for other people and wants to learn how to build his own business to be able to give his family options that he never had. He wants a strong, solid marriage full of passion in which he receives full love, loyalty and respect from his wife. And an unbreakable bond with his children. He wants to stop living in lies and start walking in truth. This is the type of man that does exactly what he says he’s going to do.

It sounds like a dream right? But does it really have to be a dream? Why can’t this be a reality? The truth is I used to think the same way. I was once engulfed in my vices and couldn’t see past them. I was a beta man trying to boss my wife around taking on the role of her father, instead of her Man. I was selfish, interested in my own desires and not hers. I was not being the type of leader that she wanted to follow or that any of our children would want to follow either. And due to my inability to recognize that at the time, I almost lost her and would’ve ultimately lost my family. 

So I had to take a hard look at myself through the lens of this list I just shared with you and I began to finally see all of my flaws. But rather than brush them underneath a rug, I took an honest look and decided to make a change. I didn’t wanna lose my family so I set out on a path to figure out how to become this Alpha Dad. I had seen many men accomplish this before. Men that seemed like natural strong family leaders. Where they have the respect and love from their wives and kids. Men that have created their own wealth by starting a successful business and being their own bosses. Men that are respected and followed by other men. 

I studied these men to extract and embody different characteristics that made them the type of man I wanted to become. In doing so, I build a system of my own that helped me win my family back. My wife saw a definitive change in me that made me a leader that she wanted to follow. It didn’t happen overnight, it was a slow process of trial and error as I discovered what worked and what didn’t work. I made adjustments and refined the methods as I applied them and the results were amazing. 

My wife fell in love with me again. She began to see a man that was worthy of her. Her respect, love and loyalty towards me grew with every positive change I made. The passion in our marriage grew to heights we never imagined. Our family became stronger than ever before and all it took was for me to become the leader my family deserved. 

Look I don’t know where you are right now in your family life. Maybe you’re in a struggling marriage, maybe you’re having trouble bonding with your kids, or maybe everything looks good from the outside, but inside you’re struggling with yourself. You know you’re meant for greater things, but you’re just not sure what that is. Then maybe it’s time for a change. Maybe it’s time to try something different. 

This is why I created something for you called The Alpha Dad Playbook. It’s a free 7 step guide that I wanna give to you for watching this video that will give you, as the quarterback of your home, 7 plays you can run daily to get you to that Alpha Dad status. If you run these plays for 30 days, your life will change. Just go to AlphaDadConsulting.com/Playbook to claim your free gift. 

So that’s gonna wrap it up for this post.

Until next time my fellow Alpha Dad,

• G. Vidal