You remember when you were little and everyone asked you that same question. What do you wanna be when you grow up?

We usually just said the popular answer like Firefighter or Doctor, and your teacher and parents were so proud.

Well then you grew up. You got married, had a kid and now you’re working a job that by the looks of it seems to be where you’re gonna be working for the next 10 years. I gotta ask you, are you exactly where you wanna be in life right now?

If you are, then you’re far better than I am. If you’re not though then you may wanna stick around because I’m gonna show you a 3 step formula to figure out what you want out of this life, so you don’t have to feel stuck anymore?

I saw a post recently from a guy that stated he had it all. A good marriage, kids were great and active in school, job was bringing him decent money, they had a house, all seemed well. Yet, he said that he still felt empty inside. He still didn’t feel “happy” even though he had all that. 

Immediately when I read that, I knew what the answer was, because I was there just a few years ago. Don’t worry I’m gonna clue you in on all this in just a bit, but first let me tell you a personal story.

You see, growing up since my parents didn’t have the best marriage and my dad was pretty much a world renowned ladies man. He cheated on my mom for a good majority of the marriage, so my crazy ass thought. You know what, I could do this better. I’m gonna get married and I’m gonna kill the game, show my dad how it’s done.

Thinking that getting married would make me happy, I met my wife, got hitched and we were definitely happy. Especially that first year. Now with the honey moon phase over, going into the second year we almost ended in divorce. Thankfully we figured it out. That’ll be a story for another time.

The point is, getting married didn’t really fill that emptiness I was feeling. Of course, I love my wife to death, but when I made her the center of my universe, it wasn’t good for us. She couldn’t live up to the standard I had set for her, which was unfair to her and I had nothing else of value in my life except my trophy wife. She was not my purpose.

I had to learn that she was meant to be an important part of my universe, but not the center of it.

So after I learned that, it improved our marriage, but the emptiness was still there, so we decided to start having kids. I said to myself, you know what, that’s it right there. I’m meant to be a dad, I’ve always wanted to be a dad, that’s what’s gonna make me happy.

Fast forward a few years and I’m in the hospital room holding my son for the first time. Trust me when I say that made me happy and I thought that feeling would live on forever, but it didn’t. I had my marriage, a kid, a decent job, but yet I still felt empty inside. Kinda like this guy in the post.

Here’s what I learned.

Happiness is just a feeling, it’s just an emotion. And it’s not really what I was looking for. I thought it was, but it wasn’t. You see, even now, what do people that love you say to you, “I just want you to be happy.” Don’t they do that?

But it’s not about happiness because that feeling of happiness fades.

It’s about fulfillment. 

You see, we all have moments of happiness. Robin Williams seemed like a pretty happy guy, I mean he made a lot of people laugh. All the money in the world, everyone loved him, and yet he still was not fulfilled.

It’s a sad thing to come to grips with, but this is something that plagues many men in our society right now. Family men, who from the outside look like they got their shit together, but when you dig deep, there’s an emptiness inside.

Most of the time, it’s because they confuse happiness for fulfillment. If I’m not smiling and having a great time with my family, then there’s something wrong with me. Why am I not happy?

See, there’s that word again “happy.” The real question is why am I not fulfilled?

The reality is that we’ve been molded to believe that our purpose as men is our families. So what happens to most men once they have a family, they feel like they’ve completed their purpose. And without purpose guys, then what’s the point in living?

Well I’m here to tell you that your family is NOT your purpose. 

Yeah I know some of you may look at that as crazy, but bear with me for a moment so I can explain this a little further.

What I mean is that your family motivates you to fulfill your purpose. They provide you with strength and support, but they are not the actual purpose or the key to the fulfillment you should have in life.

So how do you get fulfillment? Well, the answer is simple, but it’s become extremely hard to do for a lot of family men out there. Progress Produces Fulfillment. That’s it.

As long as you are progressing as a man, meaning that you are growing, you will have fulfillment. To progress, that means you have to put in work.

The problem is, most men don’t do that. Instead we sedate ourselves. Think about it, after a long day of work, most men just wanna chill, watch tv or play video games. Why? Because they feel like they deserve to do that after bringing home the bread.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t watch tv or play a video game here or there, what I’m saying is that doesn’t bring forth progress in your life?

And if you’re not progressing, you’re not becoming fulfilled in your life. That day job you hold so dear that helps sustain you is not the type of “work” that’s gonna help you progress.

The Bible talks about us “being made for good works.” Not trying to get religious on you, but think about that, we were built to work. Not only work, but good works. You were meant to create, to produce something good, something of value.

The type of work is different for every man, but the formula to figuring that out is pretty much the same.

If you are watching or listening to this and you’ve been beating your head against a wall trying to figure out what it is that you want to do with your life, here’s the formula:

Your purpose doesn’t just magically land in your lap. Maybe for some people it does, but most of us, it doesn’t work like that.

So the first thing you need guys is…

Curiosity

Yeah I know right? It’s simple, most things in life that are worth it, usually are. 

You gotta make a list of your interests, the things you’re curious about.

In my own life, I got curious about teaching. I was a horrible public speaker as a kid, extremely shy and introverted. But my 5th grade teacher Mr. Collins made an impact on me that made me wanna choose being an Elementary School teacher as a career.

Well I didn’t go to college. Dropped out exactly 3 times and pretty much every school requires a degree for you to teach. However, I started rapping at 14 and joined a Hip Hop group, which made get better at public speaking. Then I got a tech job, got good at tech, and decided to teach tech to people.

Now I’m a dad running a consulting business teaching other men how to create the family and business life they want on YouTube and on a Podcast.

Never in my life did I imagine I’d be doing this now, but it all started with my initial curiosity about wanting to teach. You gotta push that initial domino over and see how it goes, which brings me to the next point.

Consumption

You gotta take what you’re curious about and consume information on that topic. For me, since it was teaching, I learned how to get good at communication. Picked up books on the topic and started consuming them. I watched videos on good public speakers, emulated them. 

That was even before YouTube was around, now you don’t have any excuse. If you’re curious about Sales or playing guitar, you’re one YouTube video away from pushing over that second domino.

If you want some real gold surrounding your topic of choice though, read a book on it.

The biggest excuse I hear at this stage is G, I’m not a reader, I don’t like to read. 

I wasn’t either, but that was because in school, they made me read boring shit that I had no interest in, which in turn made me hate books.

But when I actually started reading books about the topics that interest me, it was a game changer. The other thing you should consider about this is that the most fulfilled family men that I look up to, they are all readers. Chances are, it may be the same for you.

And the last part of the formula is:

Creation

You gotta take what you consume and create something from it. Here’s where a lot of people get stuck because they think that they have to make something original. 

Let me fill you in on a secret, there are very few original ideas out there. There’s nothing new under the sun, yet a lot of people are still creating.

How’s that possible? Well, it’s because when you create something, you tend to take bits and pieces from everything you’ve consumed and it becomes like a hybrid of ideas that are put together to form something. 

It’s hard not be inspired by other work or to not incorporate aspects of other work in your own creations. Don’t overthink it. It can be as simple as teaching someone else what you’ve learned. In that example, you’re creating a lesson plan based on what you’ve learned.

And if what you create isn’t fulfilling you, then go back to your list of curiosities and tackle the next thing on your list. Rinse and repeat this cycle Curiosity, Consumption, Creation, and I guarantee you will figure out what you want out of life and you will find fulfillment in the growth and progress you make.

We were not meant to stay stuck where we are and if you’re feeling that way, then it’s time for a change.

As a gift for checking out this episode, I wanna give you a checklist of the books that sparked my curiosity. And after consuming these 10 books, they allowed me to create a better life for me and my family by making me a 6 Figure provider in less than 8 months. Something I would’ve never thought possible. 

And if someone like me can do it, you can also do it as well. Grab your copy of my 6 Figure Books Checklist by going to alphadadconsulting.com/booklist

That’s gonna wrap it up for today.

Hope you got some value from this.

Until next time my fellow Alpha Dad.

•  G. Vidal