What We Can Learn From John Wick To Be A Better Father And Husband
May 03, 2022There’s something special about a great action movie. Now I grew up on all the Arnold, Stallone, Van Damm, Chuck Norris movies, you name it, I more than likely watched it. Over the years as I got older, that kick ass masculine hero that takes out all the bad guys and gets the girl at the end has sort of changed.
There’s only been a few movies that have begun to restore my faith in the typical action hero and that is John Wick. I cannot tell you how much enjoy every single one of those movies. The fight choreography and the action scenes are incredible. Keanu Reeves just does great job at portraying this character.
It’s kind of an interesting thing that as men, we are drawn to these violent heroes. Why do you think that is? Well, It’s because we wanna be like them. We wanna possess their skills and be a complete badass.
There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s normal for a man to wanna embody these masculine traits. And in this week’s episode we’re gonna take a look at John Wick and extract some of his traits to kill it in the dad and marriage game.
This should be interesting.
In this week’s post, we are studying the ultimate action movie assassin known as John Wick. Quick disclaimer, there will be spoilers so if you haven’t seen any of the John Wick movies, what are you doing here, go watch the freakin movies and then come back to this episode. Alright with that out of the way, It’s funny how people criticize masculinity and they label it as “toxic”, but when the barbarians are at the gate, everyone loves themselves a masculine man. Feminists and Weak men are probably the quickest ones to call on these types of men when the shit hits the fan.
I mean let’s be honest, if you’re walking down a dark alley by yourself and you had to choose between John Wick or Andy Bernard from the office, who you rolling with? Of course it’s gonna be John Wick, because you know that if something comes at you in that alley, you want the most capable man with you to be able to handle it. Let’s say you’re a capable man, maybe you know how to fight and defend yourself, you’re still gonna wanna take John because again he can handle himself. Andy is gonna die, or you’re gonna die trying to protect his ass.
The point of all of this is to say that we as men are drawn to these action movie heroes because they can do what most of us can’t. We want to be like these men, but we don’t strive to be that heroic nor masculine in our approach to life every single day. It’s just too much work for most of us. Now of course this is a movie character, so there’s things that Hollywood is gonna make them do, that really no one can actually do. But the character traits that John possesses are important and can serve us as men, husbands and fathers.
Which is why I wanna run you through 4 traits that John Wick possesses that can make you a better father and husband.
1. Disciplined
John Wick has a massive amount of discipline. What is discipline? Well it can mean a few different things. One definition states from Dictionary dot com that it means “training to act in accordance with rules.” Another definition states that it is “an activity, exercise, or regimen that develops or improves a skill.” Lastly, it can also mean “behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control.” Throughout all of these definitions you see this common theme of rules. To learn any discipline, there are a set of rules you must abide by in order to actually acquire the discipline.
For example, John is an expert with a gun. He knows Jiu Jitsu, Judo, and a host of other martial arts that help him become a Dangerous Man. These are all disciplines that he obtained by training to act in accordance with the rules that allowed him to learn those skills. The other way that John is disciplined is that he has a routine, a regimen. You’ll remember in the first movie after his wife passed at the start of the movie, he had a routine. His house was nicely kept, his car was intact, there were rules in place by him that would allow order to overpower the chaos of losing his wife.
Even after they beat him up, took his car and killed his dog. RIP John Wick’s first dog. His entire act of revenge was founded in discipline, right down to the attire. And he wouldn’t have been able to exact his revenge without being disciplined. So now I wanna ask you, where in your life do you have discipline and where do you lack it?
Most of us will be disciplined at work. We’ll abide by the rules that our job has set for us in order to keep getting paid. To get that promotion and get paid some more. Or to develop skills that allow us to get another job that will get us paid some more. There’s a monetary incentive that forces us to be disciplined at work because we know that if we break those rules of conduct, there goes our paycheck.
Now when we shine a light on the family life and examine our discipline there, a lot of us are lacking if we’re being honest. Most of us don’t know even know what the rules of conduct are, so how can we even develop the right kind of discipline in a family? At least in martial arts, they tell you, this is how you throw a punch or a kick, this is how you block and counter. When it comes to marriage and kids, discipline has sort of gone out the window.
There are no rules by which we conduct ourselves, which is why you have so many marriages ending in divorce. So many kids growing up with no father in the home and ultimately no discipline. There’s no productive regimen or routine by which we live out the family life, instead it’s just everyone doing their own thing. Endless screen time in front of a tv, smart phone or tablet, pick your poison.
You as the man of the house has to establish discipline in your household and it all starts with you. If you don’t have any core family values or rules that you as a family will adhere to, create them. For your marriage to work, you and your wife have to be playing by the same set of rules. She can’t be playing volleyball while you’re over here thinking you guys are playing soccer, it will never work. Same thing with your kids, there’s gotta be a solid foundation set for them to build on.
Create a daily regimen for yourself and discipline yourself to do it every day. It does not have to be an extensive to do list. Just pick 5 things. 1 thing that edifies your mind like reading a book or learning something new. 1 physical activity, it can be working out, going for a walk or jog, playing a sport, anything just pick something. 1 emotional activity like spending quality time with your kids, connecting with your wife, some intimacy. 1 activity for your spirit, either meditation or prayer, reading a ch. of the Bible if your religious, just something that edifies your spirit. Lastly, 1 thing that moves the needle forward towards making you more money. Whether that’s acquiring a new skill, starting a business, making some calls and selling a product, creating content like I do here. Anything that moves that contributes to you earning more, do it every day.
This alone if you're consistent with it, will make you more like John Wick in the sense you will be disciplined. And when you become disciplined, your family will start to become influenced by the results they see in you. John Wick could talk a big game and say that he’s a badass assassin all day long, but you only start to respect that truth when you actually witness him kicking ass. Demonstrate to your family that you can have discipline.
2. Man of Your Word
This is something we see John doing a lot during his movies. He tells the bad guys that he will kill them all and well he really does. He exacts revenge on everyone responsible for killing his dog and jacking his car. He is truly a man of his word, what he says goes and he sticks to it.
As men this, especially millennial family men, this is a struggle for a lot of us. We tend to not stick to our word, we make false promises, in essence we lie. Not only do we do it to our friends, like “hey yeah man, I’ll be there by 3”, and you show up at 6 making every excuse in the book. You’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about. And if your Hispanic like me, you know it well cuz we have a term for it. We call it “Hispanic time” which means no matter what time the party starts, we will be there late, trust me. We do it with our families, when we make promises to our kids about doing something with them, but we don’t follow through. If you tell your kid you’re gonna play with him once you get home from work, but don’t do it, it breaks your kid’s heart. If you tell your wife, you’re gonna take her out or that you’re gonna help her with whatever thing around the house, but you don’t follow through. Her respect for you diminishes even if she won’t admit it to you.
You wanna know who you break your word to the most though? It’s you. When you say to yourself I’m gonna change. I’m gonna stop drinking so much, smoking, gambling, cheating, gaming, watching porn. Or the infamous, “I’m gonna start working out and get in shape.” But you fail to keep your word, you start to become a liar to yourself. It’s a bad spot to be, because if you can’t keep your word to yourself, how do you expect to keep it with anyone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s your wife or your kids, there’s a higher probability that you will fail them if you’re constantly failing yourself.
I’m not exempt from this either because I still mess up sometimes. For me it’s my health, I start working out and then I break the habit, then I have to start all over again. It sucks and at times I hate myself for not sticking to my word. But 2 things I’ve learned. One is that you gotta start with small commitments. Meaning don’t try to dynamically shift a behavior cold turkey from one day to the next. You may have the willpower to do it, but chances are over time you will revert back because will power runs out. And it’s more expensive than California gas prices to replenish that will power. Start with small commitments to yourself. If it’s working out, commit to maybe once or twice a week to start, then after that’s a habit, increase it. The key is consistency.
The 2nd thing I’ll mention is move in silence. Stop announcing to the whole world what you’re gonna do. Instead, just make the commitment to yourself, follow through and once you have fulfilled your promise, let others just see the results. That alone will shift their perspective of you as just being the guy that’s all talk. No one likes the boastful guy that tells you about all the amazing things he wants to do, but never does anything. Dreams are nice, but they never become a reality unless you back them up with a plan and some action. Be a man of your word
3. Stay Ready
If you stay ready, you ain’t gotta get ready. A famous phrase that always puts a smile on my face when I hear it. John Wick is always ready to take on whatever the threat is. Well he messed up once in the first movie where they beat him up, take his car and kill his dog. But with everything after that he totally embodied the Stay Ready mentality. Even when there was a contract on him, the dude was killing people with number 2 pencils. The point is, life is not fair guys.
Being a family man is no easy task. Not only are you responsible for providing for your family, but it is your job to protect them as well. You can’t protect them properly if you yourself don’t stay ready at all times. That means you have to be vigilant of the influence that you allow in your home because threats to your family don’t just come in physical form. Right now almost every children’s movie, show or game has some hidden agenda to try to influence your child to their way of thinking. All the movies and shows your wife watches I guarantee you are instilling certain influence in her as well. You gotta be alert and ready to discern threats that have the potential to sabotage your family.
In some cases, it can be school, college, friends, co-workers, remember most of the times it’s not physical threats but ideologies that get introduced that go against the foundational core values of the family. Some men are too busy caught up in distractions to notice. When you’re drunk or faded, it’s hard to be alert and ready. When you’re caught up playing video games until 4am depriving yourself of sleep, it’s hard to stay ready.
Stop letting your mind deviate so easily. Gain back some of that control so that you can put yourself in a position of power. In order to deal with threats to your family adequately, because whether you’re ready or not, those threats will come at some point or another.
4. Eliminate Your Targets
John Wick always hits his mark. His headshot count across all three movies is well into the 100s, I’m sure of it. It’s not easy for him to miss, because he’s had so much practice hitting his mark it’s become second nature to him. He’s on auto-pilot when he’s handling fools left and right. This is a trait that as men, we really need to tap into.
First off we gotta start setting Targets. Most of us wake up every day and have no Targets to hit. Meaning you have no goals to accomplish for that day, that week, or that month. Most people live in chaos every day. They have no plan of attack with how they’re gonna manage their day to day. It’s hard to live in chaos every day and it’s extremely draining to live life with no direction. You gotta have Targets that you’re aiming for and you gotta be taking shots at them.
It’s not enough to just set a goal that you want to achieve, you gotta actually start taking daily action in pursuit of it. One target that I always tell my clients to set is a target number for the amount of money they need to make a month to be set. Meaning all your monthly expenses paid, with leftover savings, investment and spending money. What’s that target number? Is it 10k, 15k, 20k or more? Once they have that target number in mind, I help them breakdown the necessary steps to actually eliminate that target. Every little action that’s taken towards eliminating that target counts as a shot at the target.
You may have to take multiple shots before you even hit it, but that’s ok. You will get better at eliminating your Targets, just like John Wick. But you gotta start by actually having a target to aim at. That target could be a stronger marriage, it can be a stronger bond with your children, it could be a promotion at work, a business you wanna start, weight you wanna lose, a bad habit you wanna drop, whatever the target, choose one and start taking daily shots at it. If you miss, adjust your aim and take another shot.
Until next time my fellow Alpha Dad,
- G. Vidal
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