Have you ever wondered how the most successful people in the world reach that level of wealth and success?

Contrary to popular belief, a lot of them were not born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They had to actually work hard to get to where they’re at. Most people aren’t willing to work that hard because they want things to be easy. We’ve been primed all of our lives to have things easy. Entertainment, distractions, vices, whatever you want all readily available and very easy to acquire. Yet the things worth having in this life like a strong family, leadership skills, wealth, a successful business, great health, and a strong bond with God, all these things don’t come easy. So what is it? What’s the secret that those successful people use to set themselves apart. Let’s find out.

So throughout my adult life, one thing I’ve always struggled with is my weight. When I was young I had a pretty awesome metabolism. I could eat whatever I want and I would not gain weight at all. And believe me, I could eat. There was a time where my cousin and I would go to Jack in the Box and buy 4 jumbo jacks each, with some larger curly fries and it would get devoured. 

Yeah I know 4 burgers, that’s insane right. But we just ate like pigs and it’s not like we worked out or were in top shape. Yet we still wouldn’t gain much weight. Most of the time we were just watching movies or playing video games. That was our life, not really any real responsibilities and no ambition to better our situation. But that all changed when I became an adult. I kept eating like crap and started seeing the evidence.

I spent most of my 20s out of shape. Sprinkled in there were pockets of times where I would lose a lot of weight. I was eating less and better quality food and I was working out almost every day, but then something would happen and I would slip back into my old habits. 

So going into my 30s I was determined to figure out why the hell I keep repeating the same patterns? Why do I get really motivated and gather the will power to lose weight, I do it, then after a while I slip back, unmotivated with no will power to do anything? Why does it feel like my motivation runs out? 

Now I’m using weight as my example, but truthfully this happened in other areas of my life as well. Especially when it came to starting this consulting business and this channel. I had this idea in my head for a while and I would schedule time to work on it. I would do well for a few weeks, then I would slip back into distractions like video games, movies or shows that were the new hot thing to talk about at work. 

So there I was going down YouTube rabbit holes watching some top 10 best fight scenes videos and a video gets recommended to me. A guy named Andrew Kirby, talking about something called a dopamine detox. I got curious so I checked it out and found the missing ingredient in my formula. Saw another video pop up from a guy named Alex Becker who I also follow talking about the same thing and I got even more clarity on this topic. 

So what I learned from this was that your brain is behind the wheel of every decision you make. Yeah I know obvious right? But let me explain it a little further. Your brain thrives on 2 major primal things, survival and feeling good. The survival part is pretty straightforward. This is why people run away from danger. The brain wants to do everything in its power to live and preserve itself. This is where it gets interesting though.

The brain also wants to “feel good” and to do that it needs secrete a chemical called dopamine. When dopamine gets released into your brain, you tend to feel good. Everything is chill and life is easy. Sounds good so far, right?

Well the problem with this is that almost everything you do in life or are exposed to provide you with certain levels of dopamine hits. 

Let me give you some examples:

When you post something on social media and someone likes it or comments something good on it, dopamine hit.

When you smoke weed, drink alcohol or partake in any other recreational drugs, dopamine hit.

When you play video games, constant dopamine hits.

Watch a movie or tv show that elicits an emotional response from you.

When you watch porn, gamble or have sex.

When you buy something you really really wanted and after a few weeks it’s like whatever, dopamine hit.

When you workout and see progress.

When you learn something new and actually apply it.

When you see and hold your child for the first time.

When your wife gives you that look that she wants you, dopamine hit.

I’m sure by now you’re starting to get the picture, literally everything you experience causes a dopamine hit. Your brain loves this stuff because it makes it feel good, in turn making you feel good. The problem is because your brain loves this stuff so much, it wants to get it through the path of least resistance. Meaning it doesn’t want to struggle to feel good. It wants to feel good right now. 

And I’m sure we can agree that the list we just went through has some good things and bad things on it. We can argue over what those are all we want, but the truth is a lot of the things that give your brain the fastest release of dopamine are not ultimately good for you. This is why drug addictions occur. People that smoke and drink heavily, they want that hit as quickly as possible. Same with those that are into harder drugs. 

I love a good video game as much as the next guy, but when you spend hours upon hours playing doing the same thing over and over again. Your brain is just going for those Constant dopamine hits. It’s a lot easier to feel good playing Call of Duty for an hour than it is to workout for an hour. Both will offer you a dopamine hit, but one will be instant, the other will be delayed.

This is what sets those that are successful apart from those that are not. Delayed gratification. Are you strong enough to tell your brain that it needs to hold off on that dopamine fix? You see we’re all used to instant gratification, but unfortunately life doesn’t really work this way. Technology and social media certainly make you think that it does. 

“So what’s the secret G?”

The secret is to learn how to control your dopamine hits. Train your brain to enjoy delayed gratification versus instant gratification.

So how do you do this? Well, you gotta start taking things that make for bad habits and give you instant hits off the table and replace them with good habits that benefit you but have a delayed hit?

For example, do a social media detox for a while. Delete the apps if you have to. Disconnect your gaming console and put it in a closet for a bit. And that time you would’ve spent gaming or on social media, use it for something else that’s of benefit to you. Read a book, learn something new, workout, do something productive and make it part of your every day. Your brain will slowly start shifting to being ok with a delayed hit. 

Eliminate distractions and focus on what’s important in your life.

If it’s a stronger marriage, playing a video game after she goes to sleep ain’t gonna help. If it’s a stronger bond with your kids, then ignoring them by being on your phone while they’re in the room is not gonna help. If you’re trying to beat an addiction, drug or otherwise, then don’t put yourself in an environment where that addiction is easily accessible. If you want to build a business, understand that it takes time and it happens one brick at a time. Every time you lay one of those bricks down, let the brain soak in that dopamine hit.

I know this is easier said than done, but everything worth doing in this life is easier said than done. But let me tell you something man, it’ll be worth it. So go make it happen.

Until next time my fellow Alpha Dad,

• G. Vidal