32,850 is a significant number, you wanna know why?
It is the amount of days someone lives from the day you are born to the day you turn 90 years old.

This past weekend, my family and I had to bury my grandfather who made it to 92 years old. It was a difficult weekend for all of us, especially for my mom and her brothers and sisters.

For the past 2 decades many of them, especially my mom have done nothing but care for my grandfather. He had a host of medical conditions that ailed him, but with every obstacle he encountered, he was always able to pull through.

This time it was different because it was just his old age, his body was just failing him. He was bedridden and under hospice care already, so it was just a matter of time and he was definitely ready to go. I know that right now he’s finally resting in peace and no longer suffering.

My grandfather was not a perfect man, but definitely did his best to support his wife and 9 children. He was loved and respected by many as demonstrated by the 200+ people that showed up for his funeral and burial.

It’s crazy that even when you know a loved one is about to leave this earth, no matter how much you mentally prepare for it, you’re never really ready. I know my family is hurting right now.

And I’m doing my best to be strong for them. In this week’s post I wanna share with you 4 things that I’ve done to deal with losing a loved one. My hope is that this will be helpful to those of you dealing with something similar.

This week I decided to get a bit more personal and share something with you that just occurred in my family. The loss of my grandfather, Adan or Adam in English. It’s weighed heavy on my family and it’s also weighed heavy on me.

However, with everything I’ve learned about life, family, and personal growth, there are 4 things that I use to cope with losing a loved one.

1. Mourn Your Loss

I remember when I got the news from my mom that my grandfather had passed away in his sleep. She was crying as she told me and I just accepted the news knowing that was gonna happen. And it didn’t hit me at first, it was almost unreal.

I teared up a little bit after that, but I didn’t cry. I actually tried to hold back my emotion, thinking that I had to kind of be tough for my mom and my family. So I shut the tears off.

We had to drive up from Texas where we live to Arkansas where they live for the funeral. The day we arrived, my mom was scheduled to go see how my grandpa’s body looked for the funeral. Since it was going to be an open casket funeral which is typical in a Hispanic family. They had got him a nice suit and a nice casket, all in his favorite color blue.

So I went with my mom to the morgue along with a couple of cousins and my uncle. As we approached his open casket and saw his body laying there as if he was in a deep sleep, that’s when it hit me. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. And I honestly had to tell myself that it was ok to let it out.

I cried many more times after that throughout that weekend. I came to realize that it’s necessary to mourn your loss. You have to let yourself feel that emotion and it’s ok to be vulnerable in those moments. Suppression only makes it worse in the long run. I’m learning that because I was always taught to hold back your tears as a man, but even the toughest men cry sometimes and it doesn’t make them any less tough or manly.

2. Write Your Thoughts

One of the most powerful tools you can use to grow and develop as the leader of your household is a journal. I have a unique method of journaling called the Alpha Dad Legacy that you can check out here somewhere. If you’re on YouTube I’ll link it in the description too.

In this journal, I have a chapter called Freeflow, and in this chapter I essentially just write out what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. It is an outlet for me to express everything going on inside my head right now that I can reflect on later.

This is sometimes the best type of therapy you can give yourself. Write it all down on paper. One of the things I had to write down so I never forget it, is the story of the man in the red truck.

When we were driving to the cemetery for the burial, we were rolling deep. I’m talking like easily 50 to 70 cars all rolling through the city of Fort Smith and Van Buren Arkansas. These aren’t huge cities, so we were definitely blocking traffic and making it difficult for some people on the road to get to where they were wanting to go.

But as we rode through, many cars were pulled over on the side of the road letting us pass through. And as we passed a light intersection there was a man in a red truck, who had pulled over on the side of the road. He stood outside his red truck with his baseball hat in his right hand holding it over his heart. Mind you it was 100 degrees that day and very humid. Yet this man was out there paying his respects to my grandfather and all of us passing by.

That man spoke so loudly with his actions that day, especially to me. A complete stranger showing respect and kindness. In a world dominated by so much hate, it was awe-inspiring to see God shining through this man in the red truck. If by some miracle you ever watch this, I personally wanna say thank you and God bless you sir for the act of kindness you showed us on that difficult day.

3. Direct Your Focus

How do you control your focus? There was an event I was watching once with Tony Robbins and he stated that you control your focus through the use of questions. At first I didn’t understand it, until he actually started asking questions.

Like, What color shirt do you have on? How old are you? Where did you grow up? As he was asking these questions, my focus immediately shifted towards the answer to that question. And it’s interesting because we sort of think in questions throughout the day, right?

Have you ever found yourself, asking yourself questions in your head. Like, Where did I put my phone? What was I supposed to do next? What are we eating for dinner tonight? How much gas is in my car? Our minds are literally designed to solve problems throughout the day and answer questions.

So when you understand the power of questions and how they direct your focus, you can start using them to your advantage. Especially after losing a loved one, you cannot remain in a state of mourning and depression for the rest of your life. If I continually focus on the question, why is my grandpa gone? Why couldn’t he have lived longer? Why was he sick or bedridden? I’m gonna be frustrated looking for answers to those questions because I honestly don’t know, only God knows. I can speculate, but it’s not gonna change the fact that he’s gone.

But if I ask myself better questions, such as, what’s the best memory I have with my grandfather? How could I make my grandpa proud of me today? What good trait did my grandpa possess that I can embody and instill in my own children?

With questions like that, your focus shifts and it becomes less likely that you will fall prey to depression. Practice asking yourself powerful questions that direct your focus away from a depressed state of mind.

4. Live A Life That Honors Who You’ve Lost

How do you live a life that honors who you’ve lost? Well, let’s define the word Honor for a moment. What does the word Honor mean?
Well it can mean a few different things, but I believe this is the most accurate definition which is “honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions” like when you speak about a “man of honor.” Someone that embodies honesty, fairness, and integrity in one’s beliefs.

Imagine if we did that for those we’ve lost. We live out our daily lives being honest, fair, and maintain true integrity in our beliefs, meaning that all of the actions we take align with those beliefs. How much honor would that bring to my grandfather if I lived out my life like that?

Whether you like it or not, your reputation does matter in this world? How other people view you, does matter? Now you can be ok with not caring how people view you, which is perfectly ok because not everyone is gonna like you and you don’t have to care what they think. But for the people that do like /love you, you have to care what they think and feel about you. It’s important to me that my wife loves me and I need to live in a way that honors our marriage by being faithful and devoted to her. If I start fooling around with random women, my actions become unaligned with my beliefs. I fall out of integrity and now I gotta lie to my wife in order to make her think that I’m still a man of honor. Are you guys getting this?

My grandfather was loved and well respected by many due to the fact that he was a man of honor. And he lived in honor of those that left this earth before him. I’m doing my part to do the same in my life. And when I go, I can only hope that my children and grandchildren will do the same.

I would argue that the people that have the most difficult time with losing a loved one, struggle with living a life that honors them. Don’t let yourself fall into that. Allow those that have left this earth before you to look down from the heavens and be honored by the life that you live every single day.

Until next time my fellow Alpha Dad,
- G. Vidal